


Guess Jokes on Me

by SPACE_GAYS_MOM



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bi-Lance, Cheesy, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Fluff, LilAngst, M/M, Mutual Pining, NaiveChildren, Pining, Prank Wars, RichKidPidge, Roommates, Slow Burn, Sorrynotsorryformygodawfulwriting, Swearing, Texting, Violence, demisexual keith, idkwhatimdoing, implied hunay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-03-25 15:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13838028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPACE_GAYS_MOM/pseuds/SPACE_GAYS_MOM
Summary: With some stupid mix up with paperwork, Lance and Keith are forced to be roommates. They hated each other's guts from the moment they met each other. When the Great Prank Wars was declared, it gave them both the opportunity to show how much one hated the other. That's until they bond through pranking each other and want to become something more than friends. However, Keith has been holding a secret from his childhood which may affect his future with Lance for the better or the worse.





	1. How the great prank wars began

**Author's Note:**

> I have a head canon where Lance loves pranking his siblings because he's the youngest and so this is where this fanfics concept came from. I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going with this but if you bear with me I'll get there...... eventually. 
> 
> Disclaimer: There is a lot of swearing and a bit of violence so if that's not your cup of tea. Don't read.
> 
> Please enjoy. I'm trash. I'm sorry.
> 
> Nothing is copyrighted. The Voltron franchise does not belong to me nor I'm I claiming it. It belongs to the respectful owner.

“FUCK YOU MAN!” Lance slammed the door into Keith’s face. He locked the door for good measures and walked to his bed so he could flop onto it. It had been several months since he was forced to live with Keith and no progress was actually made to make their relationship somewhat 'normal' as roommates. The pair was basically a walking disasters. They were always fighting. For example: Who was supposed to take the trash out or whose turn is it to do the dishes? In conclusion, they hated each other and couldn't wait for this year to be over.  
Keith started blasting out ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ which he knew Lance could hear loud and clear. Lance was less than okay with that. He banged on the wall which had Keith’s room on the other side.  
“Turn your emo crap off! You stupid mullet!” Passive aggressively, Keith turned up the music even louder. ‘This mullet is driving me insane’ Lance thought in anger. He’d fight back with the power of Beyonce but the last time they had a speaker fight, it ended with two broken speaker, black eyes, a broken wrist and a lovely chat from the police.  
Lance sucked it up and decided to be the better man and grabbed his phone to text his right-hand man – Hunk. 

18:07  
Lance: Grrr can I come over???  
18:09  
BFF: Keith problems again?  
18:10  
Lance: Howd you figure???  
18:12  
BFF: Every time you start talking about Keith you seem to like to say ‘Grrrr’.  
18:13  
Lance: DUDE! I DO NOT!!!  
18:14  
BFF: Check the beginning of the conversation.  
18:16  
Lance: Oh…..  
Lance: Well never mind that!!!  
Lance: Can I come over or not???  
18:18  
BFF: Well as much as I love having you over and everything, Shay is coming over today…..  
18:19  
Lance: OMG  
Lance: I thought it was bros b4 hoes….  
Lance: JK  
Lance: Have fun with shay and tell her I said Hi!!  
Lance: I’ll ask pidge instead  
18:22  
BFF: Thanks Man! I will!!!!  
BFF: <3<3<3  
18:23  
Lance:<3<3<3

Lance sighed. Although he couldn’t really hear it over the sound of emo music. Hunk was a no bueno. That meant Pidge was going to be his lord and saviour.

18:26  
Lance: YOOOO PIDGE  
18:27  
Pidgeon: No you cant come over.  
18:28  
Lance: WHAT?!! How dare you assume what I wanted from you??  
18:29  
Pidgeon: Then what did you want?  
18:30  
Lance: Was wondering if I could come over….  
18:31  
Pidgeon: No  
18:32  
Lance: Why not?  
Lance: I would literally be indebted to you and you know you can use that against me....  
18:35  
Pidgeon: As much as I would love to have something to use against you....  
Pidgeon: Matts coming over and we gonna try and finish the hover robot were making.  
18:36  
Lance: I could sit in the corner quietly and not do anything to distract you....  
18:37  
Pidgeon: You said that last time but it ended up me kicking you out cause you got too annoying  
18:37  
Lance: I WAS NOT ANNOYING!!!  
18:39  
Pidgeon: You literally rapped the entire album of nicki minaj on the karaoke machine on full blast  
Pidgeon: Im suprised you learnt all that with that tiny brain of yours  
18:40  
Lance: HEY!  
Lance: My brain is not tiny and nicki minaj is the rap goddess of our time  
Lance: Worship that  
Lance: Plus  
Lance: How often do you get to go to your rich friends house and have a karaoke machine to yourself?  
18:41  
Pidgeon: Cant relate  
Pidgeon: Either way is a no  
18:42  
Lance: PIDGEEEEEEEON  
18:43  
Pidgeon: Sorry Lance.  
Pidgeon: I really wanna finish this project off in time for the science convention  
Pidgeon: Don’t call me pidgeon again....  
18:44  
Lance: ......fine.........pidgeon. ......  
Lance: but you owe me pizza next time  
18:44  
Pidgeon: *sigh* all right and I stg Lance I will stab you  
18:45  
Lance: >:3c  
18:47  
Pidgeon: Maybe you should try and befriend keith  
Pidgeon: I mean youre living with him so you might as well instead of fighting all the time  
18:47  
Lance: No. Me and emos don’t mix.  
Lance: Besides I’ll find another room m8 soon  
18:48  
Pidgeon: I pity whoever has you as a roommate next....  
18:49  
Lance: Fuck UUUUUUUU  
18:51  
Pidgeon: >:3c 

Stressed, Lance tossed his phone to the side after his only two saviours ditched him. Lance gave a thought about what the tech genius said. Maybe he could befriend Keith. At least make come kind of peace rather than quarrelling all the time. Then again, he refused to make friends with someone who was moody 24/7, has a mullet and had a music taste of a 13 year old going through that phase. He’s playing Panic! At the disco on full blast if that didn't help prove Lance's point. He felt like he had the worst luck to have someone mess up the paperwork and force him and Keith to become roommates.  
Sick of the loud music, Lance got his headphones and put Shakira on full blast. Even though his hips don’t lie, he would be lying if Keith wasn’t the most insufferable roommate he’s ever had.  
However, no amount of Shakira could drown out ‘This is gospel’. Pulling his headphones off, he got up to confront Keith. Lance knocked loudly on the door in case Keith couldn’t hear through the sound of Sleeping with Sirens. The door opened.  
“What?” Irritation was written clearly all over Keith’s face.  
“Could you turn down the music?.........please?” Lance added that on for good measures.  
“What was that? Can't hear you over the sound of how awesome Sleeping with Sirens is!” Keith put on smirk which made Lance know that he was trying to get under his skin. Lance rolled his eyes over how petty Keith was being.  
“Come on dude! Don’t be like this! I just want a lil peace and quiet....”  
“Should’ve thought about that when you ‘forgot’ to take out the trash.” Keith slammed the door in Lance’s face. In defeat, Lance walked back into his room and tried to do something that would distract him from emo hell. He turned on his Xbox and put on his headset. Maybe a little bit a gaming was something Lance needed. The best distraction and it was quite stress-relieving.  
A couple hours into the game and Lance finally got bored because he couldn’t get past this boss that kept killing him. Pulling his headset off in frustration, he realised that there was no more emo music. The peace and quiet was amazing to Lance.  
The peace and quiet allowed him to think. He was Lance Fucking McClain. He wasn’t going to let that mulletted emo get away with his awful music taste. He was going to get his own back because being the youngest child in a large family, he was always going to get his own back. He stealthily sneaked his way to Keith's room and tried to open his door as quietly as possible but after years of practice, it wasn't that hard for Lance.  
Luckily, Keith was fast asleep on his back in bed. He looked like an angel when he was sleeping (Lance noted) but Lance knew there was a little evil demon underneath that pretty appearance of his. ‘Wait……? Did I just think pretty? That was a weird thought. I must be tired.’ Lance desperately thought. Lance got closer to Keith and had a million ideas to get his own back. He racked his brain over what would be the best prank to pull on our angsty Keith. It took him a while until he struck gold.  
He walked out the room with a shit eating grin on his face as he went to put his devious prank into action.  
6:00AM  
Keith wakes up around this time to get in a morning run but Keith has never been a morning person so he’s practically dragging himself like a zombie. However, it does mean that he is vulnerable and the perfect unsuspecting victim to play a prank on. Keith walked into the bathroom half asleep so he could go get a shower. The water sprayed out of the shower head and the water was at that wonderful temperature which forced Keith to feel wide awake. When he walked out from his refreshing shower and looked in the mirror, he noticed something just a tad different from his usual appearance. He couldn’t quite place it though. He still had his normal indigo eyes, his morning stubble, his eyebrows, his bright flaming red mullet, his eyebags…… wait…… Red flaming hair?  
“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUUUUCK?!” At that moment, Lance bursts into the bathroom with a camera.  
“Somebody call the fire brigade cause this bitch’s hair is on fIREEE!” Lance was in hysterics over Keith’s new fashionable look but Keith, on the other hand, definitely was not.  
In an instant, Keith whipped out his knife he always carried around. Apparently to the shower as well. Lance stopped laughing due to a mixture of fear and confusion.  
“Do you always carry a knife with you…..?”  
“Yes. Apparently it’s extremely useful in situation such as this.”  
“I’m not gonna ask where you had that hidden but hopefully you could use the knife to cut off that awful mullet of yours?”  
“You. Are. Dead. McClain.” Lance bolted. He ran into the kitchen and ran round the table so the table was separating them. When Keith tried going one way, Lance would try and go the other way. This weird version of ring around the rosy went on like that for a few seconds. In those few seconds, Lance had time to appreciate that Keith had an extremely good set of abs on him. Shirts do not do him any justice.  
“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU MCCLAIN!”  
“You should be thanking me for teaching you there are more colours than black you emo!” Keith jumped over the table to get to Lance. Thankfully for Lance, he had quick enough reactions to duck out of the way of the angry half naked man and scream all the way back to his room. He locked the door behind him just in the nick of time. Walking backwards from his door, Lance could hear loud aggressive bangs along with what Lance thought was animalistic growls coming from behind the door. Feeling protected, Lance was obviously going to be a dick.  
“Like to see you break down my door you stupid mullet!” The banging stopped. Lance grinned in victory only for it to be wiped off when a loud crack filled the room followed by a former door flying from its hinges.  
“I stand co-RRECTED!” Keith had grabbed Lance by the collar and at this moment Lance knew he was in some deep shit. Like deeper than the depths of hell kind of deep. Keith’s face was only just a few centimetres away from Lance’s. This meant Lance had no other choice but to stare at the man’s gorgeous eyes. Nonetheless, no matter how gorgeous Keith’s eyes were, you could only see murder written all over them and this caused Lance worry about his safety.  
“Delete the evidence McClain.”  
“Nah. I need to proof that Keith doesn't just wear black otherwise no one will believe me.” Keith violently dropped Lance on the floor. Pointing a finger at Lance, he gave him an angry stare.  
“This. Is. War. Watch your back McClain.” Keith walked out the door. Well, doorway seeing as Lance no longer had a door.

Lance paid no heed to Keith's warning and went about his life as he would but boy does he wish he listened.


	2. I declare that the Great Prank War has begun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone watch the new season of Voltron? I was shookeith. SHOOKEITH
> 
> Anyway. Enjoy this mess I made╰(◉ᾥ◉)╯
> 
> Disclaimer: There is bad humour/puns in this chapter. If you are sensitive to bad humour/puns, please continue to read. o((◕ฺ∀ ◕✿ฺ))o   
> Sorrynotsorry

7:52AM 

It had been a few days since the fire hair incident and Keith, to Lance’s unamusement, had resurrected his old pitch black mullet from its fiery grave. The recent days had been really creepy and unsettling for Lance. It made Lance worry. If it was Lance, who had his hair dyed an extremely different colour, he’d make the bastard pay double for it. Unless it was a nice shade of blue. Lance rocked the colour blue so much that he practically owned it.  
Morning light shone through the crack of Lance’s window and that indicated that it was going to be a beautiful and amazing day. Lance could feel it in his bones. He practically bounced out of his bed and got busy trying to get ready for his amazing day.  
Feeling good, Lance was going to put on an extravagant outfit for the day. He slipped into some ripped black jeans and and a grey shirt. He decorated them with a blue denim jacket, black leather bracelets and a beanie on top of his head. To complete the set, he wore a pair of black Doc Martins and some fake prescription glasses he stole from Claire's one time. Don’t judge him. He looked great in them. Now that Lance looked like a fully qualified hipster fuck boy, he was ready for whatever the world had in store for him.  
No perfect day could be started without Lance’s special K (or as Lance liked to call it Special L because he enjoys drawing a large L over the K) cereal. Specifically the red berry one, that one was his favourite. He grabbed a handful of his cereal straight from the box and crammed the delicious cereal into his mouth.  
Unexpectedly for Lance, his cereal didn’t taste berry nice or like berry for a matter of fact. It burned. Lance’s mouth was so hot that you could practically see smoke coming out his mouth. Lance raced to the fridge and yanked out the milk carton hoping that the sweet cold liquid could calm the blazing fire dancing in his mouth but surprise after surprise, the milk carton was empty. Which should be next to impossible considering Lance had just bought some yesterday. Catching Lance’s eyes was a bright orange sticky note adorning the side of the carton.  
It had a lovely message of: ‘Suffer bitch :)’  
Then it hit Lance like a firetruck. Fucking Keith. Speaking of the evil devil itself, he jumped out with his phone recording Lance’s snotty and tear streaked face. Keith was in hysterics laughing. Lance would take his time to admire Keith’s adorable laughter and how there was an occasional snort in the midst of the laughter but he was in the process of dying.  
“SOMEBODY CALL THE FIRE BRIGADE BECAUSE THIS BITCH’S MOUTH IS ON FIRE!” If Lance wasn’t busy gagging, he’d have already tackled Keith through a wall. Lance crawled on to the next best thing - the sink. He turned the faucet on but *dramatic pause* no water came out.  
“W-what the fac-k?”  
“Opps did I forget to mention that the building’s water pipes were being maintained today so there’s no water? Starting from maybe 9:00am to 10:00am?” It was 9:23am. Lance dropped to the floor wishing for the sweet embrace of death to come faster. Lance swore he saw the light at the end of the tunnel for a second.  
Keith wasn’t going to leave Lance like this and be that cruel person. Although, he had considered it. He just wanted payback for last time. Even if it was a little harsher than what Lance originally did. You know what they say. Revenge is best served cold or in this case, served hot. As hot as the hell fire created by Satan himself. Keith had got his last laugh out and wiped all the tears from laughing too hard.  
“There’s ice in the freezer you know you complete moron.” Keith walked away triumphantly back into his room. In the midst of his pain, Lance had stupidly forgotten about the magical attribute of water turning into ice when frozen. He immediately jolted back to life because he really was not ready to die so young and beautiful. He was practically fuelled by his will to survive that he almost tore the freezer door off. When the freezer opened, light had burst from the fridge whilst a choir sang ‘Hallelujah’. Ice had never looked so beautiful in Lance’s life as he inhaled the whole tray of it to soothe his burning mouth. It took a while for Lance to regain any feeling back in his mouth but he was glad his mouth was not on fire any more.  
After feeling relieved, anger started to fester within Lance. Nobody could prank Lance this badly and get away with it. He marched into Keith’s room with a bang.  
“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN?”  
“The actual fuck what?”  
“MY FUCKING SPECIAL L CEREAL! YOU FUCKING RUINED THEM!”  
“What the fuck are special L? Did I accidentally fry your brain as well as your mouth?”  
“YOU’RE A DICK! YOU COULD’VE KILLED ME!”  
“OH I’M A DICK? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO DYED MY FUCKING HAIR BRIGHT RED! and by the way, killing you would’ve been an extra bonus.”  
“OH FUCK YOU! and FOR YOU INFORMATION, I’D RATHER HAVE MY HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOUR THAN HAVE MY MOUTH SET ON FIRE!”  
“SHOULD’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU STARTED BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE! I fucking warned you, didn't I?” This whole conversation was starting to make Lance’s eye twitch and Keith go red in the face with anger. ‘Oh this is on mullet’ Lance thought.  
“Fine then. This is war. Kogane.”  
“I fucking declared that shit ages ago. Don’t steal my line.”  
“Nope don’t remember. So…… LET THE GREAT PRANK WAR BEGIIIIIIIIIIN!” Keith rolled his eyes at Lance and with that Lance spun around dramatically and left the room in style.  
He walked back into his own room through the door that was just getting by with some duct tape and nails. Lance had to now conjure up the biggest prank ever known to man. He will get his own back otherwise he is not a McClain.

12:45PM  
Keith was sound asleep and was having a fantastic dream about hippos holding knives. He wished he could stay in this dream world forever but Keith knew every good thing had to come to an end. Although, Keith did not know that all good things ended with a loud blaring siren around one in the morning. The alarm startled Keith enough for him to violently fall off his bed and fall straight on his face first. Keith got up with a groan whilst rubbing his poor nose to ease the pain and to see if anything was broken. It was dark and the only source of light was his digital alarm clock but was also not the source of this godforsaken night alarm.  
Quickly, he tracked down where the sound was erupting from and concluded it was somewhere near the entrance of the apartment. Keith walked towards where he thought his door was. Keith had a good perception of where everything was in the apartment so he could pretty much walk around the apartment with his eyes closed. So it extremely bamboozled Keith when he couldn’t get through the door. It was like some kind of force field that was keeping him from leaving his own room. Keith turned on the lights located next to the door.  
Turns out some asshole had put up clingfilm across his door so he couldn’t get out. ‘Wonder who fucking did that’ Keith thought. Sighing, Keith ripped down the clingfilm and walked down the hallway with the intention to find and annihilate the source of the infernal beeping. Keith wanted to turn on the lights for the hallway which was a little further down from his room because he wasn’t sure if Lance was going to try any other funny business.  
It was just a shame that Keith never got there in one piece. Lance had already got to him before Keith had made it to the light switch. Despite the fact it was dark, Keith could imagine the sight of him comically falling forwards like they do in cartoons. However, this was not comical at all as Keith’s already bruised nose collided with the floor below him. The motherfucker had poured some kind of slippery liquid on the floor which caused Keith to face plant the floor. Hard.  
He could feel a warm trickle coming from his nose and the taste of iron in his mouth. His nose was bleeding. ‘Great’ He thought. So he pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the bleeding. He still had not found the source of the noise. Slowly but surely, Keith got up on his feet and tread lightly towards the light switch. After turning on the lights, Keith immediately noticed the source of all his pain. Mainly because it was a big black box with Lance’s cocky looking face on the side of it.  
Keith walked to the box in the middle of the living room in pain. After he had turned this off, he was going to annihilate Lance and make him beg for his mother. Upon walking near the box, Keith could see a button that said ‘Press me :3c’.  
Now, let's analyse Keith’s situation. He had been forced to wake up at an ungodly hour, fallen down twice, broken his nose and lost all rational thinking along with his patience. It was understandable that Keith wasn’t thinking clearly. Everyone, who was unfortunately a victim of Lance’s, knew he liked to end every elaborate prank with bang. So when Keith had pressed the button, there was a literal loud bang followed by silence.  
Keith was stunned. Despite the fact he was stunned, he was only clear on two things. One was that the annoying alarm was finally off and second was that there was a multicoloured foam explosion. The foam had engulfed Keith and the entirety of the living room.  
If Keith could feel his face, his eye would definitely twitching in irritation. He also happen to catch a little note inside the box which read: ‘Have fun cleaning up ;*’. That was the last straw for Keith. He had finally lost his will to hold back from brutally murdering Lance. He stomped back down the hallway fuming but alas, Keith had forgotten that the floor was still covered in oil. He slipped on it again. Luckily enough, it was booty first instead of face first but that didn't exactly help Lance’s situation at all.  
Angrily, Keith had busted Lance’s broken door down….. again. Keith turned on the lights to Lance’s room. He saw that Lance was sleeping too peacefully with a set of noise cancelling headphones and an eye mask on. He stomped towards Lance and yanked off the headphones and eye mask. This caused Lance to sit up worried that he was late to class.  
“oh crap. Is it morning?” Lance looked out his window confused as it was still dark outside. He turned his head to confront the perpetrator who had awakened him from his peaceful slumber.  
“Hey! It’s n-” It took Lance a second to realise what was going on. He took a gander on Keith’s new appearance. He loved what he saw.  
Keith was completely pissed off and was covered with multicoloured foam. His arms crossed and you could see a particularly large stream of blood coming from his nose. Even through the foam, he could still see Keith’s overly angry face but that didn't stop Lance letting out a snicker and grabbing his phone really quickly to take a picture. He clicked onto his gallery to look at the picture he took of Keith and he blew up with laughter. He even showed Keith the picture of himself.  
3…...2……..1…….  
Without warning, Keith tackled Lance and got him into a firm head choke.  
“H-hey man! G-Get off of-of me! You-re get-ting all the f-foam on me!” ‘Typical Lance’ Keith thought. Even when in the face of death, Lance was still more concerned about his looks than his life. Though to Keith, that was understandable as he really did like Lance’s face. Especially how deep blue his eyes were.  
“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” In an effort to escape, Lance scratch at Keith's arm hard enough for him to let go.  
“Ow what the fuck? Who scratches people any more?”  
“I do you psycho!”  
“I am not a psycho!”  
“You tried to fucking KILL me”  
“Well maybe if you didn't wake me up at one, stick cling film to my door, pour oil onto the hallway and make a foam exploding box then I wouldn't have to kill you!”  
“HA so you were trying to kill me you psycho!”  
“I don't think that's the point McClain.”  
“Anyway, I told you it was on and I fucking brought it.”  
“Well guess what I brought along with me.”  
“What?” Lance questioned curiously.  
“Righty.” Lance looked confused until Keith had decked Lance in the face with his right hand. Lance was in a daze until he realised what had hit him; Lance was not having it. He tackled Keith at the stomach and they landed near Lance’s wardrobe.  
Question time. Have you ever seen two grown men have a full on cat-fight? Keith and Lance were just clawing, yanking each other's hair, biting and throwing profanities and insults everywhere. They rolled around the floor for a few minutes until they heard a knock at the door. They made eye contact and during those few seconds of eye contact, they called a temporary truce to see who was at the door.  
They both got to the door and opened the front door to greet whoever was outside. It was a really hot dude. He had an aesthetically pleasing face and a noticeably muscular body. He had an old scar running across his nose. His hair was funny and skunk looking but he fascinatingly pulled it off. Behind his attractive face, you could tell this man was tired. His tired appearance would make you think he was a zombie. Nonetheless, he still looked gorgeous no matter how large his eyes bags were. One thing that did catch both Keith's and Lance’s eyes the most was this man’s prosthetic arm. It gave a bionic man vibe. Overall, a 10/10 for Lance but Keith found that there was something odd about this man. He looked strangely familiar to Keith but he couldn’t place it.  
“Excuse me. I live on the floor above and I'd appreciate it if you would keep the no-” He stopped mid-sentence. He finally had enough effort to open his eyes and look at the carnage behind Lance and Keith. To put it into a simple analogy as to what this sexy man saw was a gay parade had crashed through the living room and managed to take these two strangers at the door as its victims. He knew instantly he wanted nothing to do with these two.  
“Sorry I must be sleepwalking or something. Nice to meet you guys. Bye.” The mysterious man spun around at the speed of light and exited stage right quickly. This left the two guys at the door extremely confused. Did they do something wrong? They looked at each other for confirmation that what had just happened had happened.  
“What a weirdo.” They said at the same time.  
“Jinx. Touch wood. Now you have bad luck for the rest of your life.”  
“What are you 10 McClain?”  
“On a scale of 1 to 10. Yes.” Keith rolled his eyes at the stupid idiot next to him. Keith walked back inside whilst Lance closed the door. Keith got too tired to care about the little feud they were having so he decided to get himself clean and go back to bed. He’d have to deal with Lance and think of a new scheme to get back at him in the morning.  
“Hey Keith.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Urm. Well. I- urrrr didn't mean to, you know, give you a bloody nose (though it was funny) so how about I make a one time offer and clean up this mess tomorrow?”  
“Hmmm then I would forgive you….. for the mean time. This war is still on.” Keith gave Lance a little smirk and in return, Lance gave a mischievous grin.  
“Wouldn’t have it any other way my rival.” Keith walked away satisfied with the conversation. ‘So Lance isn’t always a little shit’ Keith thought. Maybe Keith would go a little 'nicer' on Lance with the next prank.  
“And also Keith” Keith continued walking away whilst acknowledging Lance. As he continued, he forgot that the hallway was still covered in oil. So suprise suprise. Keith fell over again. For the third time in the past hour.  
“Watch out for the oil slick.” Lance had ‘warned’ Keith too late with an evil snicker.  
Scrap that. Keith was going to give Lance hell and then some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOOO WHO COULD BE THE MYSTERY MAN AT THE DOOR THAT LOOKED SO FAMILIAR TO KEITH??? I WONDER WONDER WONDER!!!
> 
> STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTERS MY DUDES!!!! σ(≧ε≦ｏ)


	3. Your move, Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to upload this week  
> ⊂((・▽・))⊃
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the trash I have created

22:39PM 

Lance came back to the apartment quite late at night. His manager asked him to cover a late shift which Lance did not appreciate but he was broke so he wasn’t going to complain. As soon as Lance opened the door, he could feel the apartment’s cold and eerie atmosphere. It sent shivers down Lance’s spine. Keith said he was going to be home tonight so why was everything so dark.  
Lance tried switching on the lights to the apartment but it wouldn’t turn on. He tried switching it on and off several times to make sure he wasn’t just hallucinating. He wish he was at this point.  
Maybe the electricity system was being maintained today. That’s why there wasn’t any lights. Lance tried giving himself rational excuses. Like he was just being paranoid. Although, Lance’s rationality flew out the window when he heard glass break from down the hallway. He jumped at the sound. Was someone in the house? For Lance’s sanity, he hoped it was Keith.  
Lance steeled his balls and went to investigate the source of the sound. This reminded Lance of that one movie he watched where that one stupid main character dies because they went to check out where the strange noise was coming from.   
“Hello?” Silence.  
“Keith? Buddy? My man?” No one answered him.  
“Why are all the lights off?”   
“Come on Man. This isn’t funny!” Lance could only hear the rustling of leaves from the tree outside. That didn’t exactly reassure Lance that there wasn’t a psychotic serial killer in his apartment.  
“Haha very funny Keith you’ve got me. Now come out you damn mullet.” It must be just Keith pulling a prank.   
“Is this because of the foam incident?” Still no one answered him.  
“This is quite a pathetic attempt to scare me ya know?” Lance lying out of his ass right now. He was terrified. He could be talking to the Spawn of Satan for all he knows.  
“Come out Keith and fix the light. We know you’re an emo but you need a little bit of light in your life.” Lance was going to die. He knew it. Lance stumbled his way through the dark so he could reach the light switch for the hallway. Maybe the bulb in the living room had a busted fuse. Lance flipped the switch on and to his delight, the lights actually turned on. He knew he was just being paranoid. He sighed of relief until he looked down towards the end of the hallway.   
Lance was paralysed in absolute fear and horror as he saw a tiny child’s silhouette at the end of the corridor with long black wet hair covering her face whilst wearing a damp dirty white dress. Lance always knew he would have an interesting life when he grew up but he didn’t know that his life would come straight out of a horror movie.   
The girl slowly raised her pale hand and pointed at Lance. At this point, Lance was just trembling.   
“Urrr H-hi. Y-you lo-st litt-t-tle girl?” Lance couldn’t believe he was scared of a little girl but yet again wouldn’t you be scared if a random girl who looked suspiciously like the girl from The Ring was suddenly in your apartment?  
“You’re next.” The girl replied.  
“I’m next what? Next top model?”  
“You’ll see.” In an instance, the light bulb burst whilst the remains of the bulb scattered across the hallway. Lance was once again surrounded in darkness.   
Lance bolted. He bolted for safety whilst screaming. In the most manliest way possible may he add. He was trying to get away from the hallway but it was too dark. ‘What did she mean I’ll see? It’s dark as fuck. I can’t see for shit!’ Lance complained whilst ducking for cover. He assumed that he managed to get under the kitchen table. He was sure that the table could protect him from anything. Anything meaning the creepy ass girl who was scaring the living daylights out of Lance.  
A few minutes had passed by and nothing had happened. There was still a ominous feeling in the air. During those few minutes, Lance had enough time to think. He thought about all the shit he’s done in his life to lead him up to this moment in his life where he is hiding underneath a wooden table in the darkness from a child he could probably take on. He concluded that he was too pretty to die and life was so cruel to do this to such a beautiful specimen.   
With a heightened sense due to the darkness, Lance could hear something unnerving. It was faint but Lance could just pick out what it was. It was the sound of pitter patter of a child’s feet running across the floor. Lance was screwed. The pattering sound started to get closer to where Lance was. This was where Lance was going to die. On a cold gross floor where there was still grains of cereal from this morning that Lance could not be bothered to clean up. It got extremely close. Too close for Lance’s comfort. It turned silent. Maybe the kid had gone away for its curfew.   
Being cautious, Lance started to crawl out from underneath the table. He got near to edge of the table only to be meet up close and personal with the same long black haired girl with a light illuminating her face in all the wrong ways. Her creepy cheshire cat grin was the last thing Lance saw as he jumped so hard that he hit his head on the table and knocked himself out.

23:18PM  
Lance woke up all groggy. His head felt like it was splitting open. Was he not dead?  
“Yo keith! Sleeping beauty just woke up!” That voice sounded familiar.  
“Sleeping beauty? More like fucking scared shitless!” There was a clap which Lance assumed was a high five between Keith and this other person. Lance took a minute to adjust to the blaring light in his room.   
“Where the fuck did that kid go? Is it gone?”   
“What kid? Did you mean me?” Lance looked at where the voice was coming from and backed into the safety of his covers. The kid was standing in his fucking room.   
“STAY BACK FOUL DEMON! LET THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPEL YOU!”  
“HAHAHA RELAX LANCE! IT’S JUST ME!” Lance took a peek out of his covers and saw Pidge in the child’s get up minus the black wig. Pidge was getting a hoot out of this.  
“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK PIDGE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT? WHO LET YOU IN? WEREN’T YOU WORKING ON THAT ROBOT PROJECT? CAN’T YOU GREET SOMEONE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON? YOU COULD’VE KILLED ME!” Lance took a breath.  
“Calm down Lance. Geez someone’s on their period. To answer all your questions. Yes I was working on the robot but we finished it a couple of days ago, Keith let me into your apartment and no I can’t greet you like a normal person because I’m not like you normies and also Keith offered me something I couldn’t refuse.”  
“And what was that?”  
“Scaring the living shit out of you.”  
“MOTHERFUCKER!” Lance went to tackle Pidge who tactically hid behind Keith. They ran in circles around Keith which gradually got said man extremely irritated.  
“Sit the fuck down! Both of you!” On command, both Pidge and Lance sat down from the fear Keith was about to stab the both them.   
“Anyway. How do you know Keith? I thought I was your only friend besides Hunk and robots.”  
“Haha very funny weeb. For your information, me and Keith are practically childhood friends.”  
“Oh I see. Then how about all the many times I've complained to you about Keith? You couldn't have told me you knew him then?”   
“How many people do you think are named Keith? I can't particularly guess that your annoying roommate was my childhood friend.”  
“What do you mean annoying, McClain?”  
“Shush mullet! Me and Pidge are having a grown up conversation.”  
“Whilst sat on the floor looking like you're ready for storytime.”  
“Shush!” Keith gave a huff and shut up to let Lance finish.  
“As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted.” He gave Keith the stink eye which was returned back with annoyed glare.  
“Yeah. Why couldn't you Pidgeon?”  
“Huff whatever Lance and what the hell have I told you about calling me pidgeon?”  
“What? There's nothing wrong with it. The name just suits you.”   
“You’re insufferable.”  
“I’m insufferable?! You just pulled some freaky chucky meets the ring bullshit on me!!”  
“In my defense, it was Keith’s idea and not mine so if you wanna call someone insufferable, Keith is stood right there.”  
“Hey! Don't bring me into this!”  
“You fucking started this bitch!” Lance got up and tackled Keith to the ground. They rolled around attacking each other whilst Pidge sat there unamused at the two idiots acting like children.  
“When you two have finished, I would like to say something.” The two of them continued. Pidge gave a tired sigh.  
“Keith. It's about you know who.” Keith violently shoved Lance off him and sat up to look at Pidge with a look of shock.  
“Who? Voldemort? What’s with the secrecy?”   
“Shut up Lance. Get out whilst you’re at it!”  
“Oi! This is my room! You can’t kick me out of MY room!” Keith grabbed Lance by the collar and threw him out. He slammed the broken door to make a statement. ‘Guess he can kick me out of my own room’ Lance thought grumpily. He walked into Keith’s room and placed an ear against the wall where Lance’s room was on the other side. If Lance had found anything important after living with Keith is that the walls in the apartment was incredibly thin.   
“Have you found him?”  
“Close. I know where he is roughly.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“He’s here.”  
“What do you mean he’s here?”  
“Full of questions today aren’t you? I mean he is here in this country but where in this country is a bit of a mystery.”   
“That’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack.” Keith sounded like he was losing his mind.   
“Don’t get frustrated. I only found this info recently so it’ll probably soon when I find his exact location.”  
“Sorry Pidge. I didn’t mean to come off that way. He’s been missing for so long and hearing that he’s so close to me just annoys me.”  
“I get it. Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure Matt feels the exact same way. We’ll find him soon especially now that he is so close to us.” Lance could hear some shuffling from behind the wall.  
“I hope so.”  
Lance ran out the room and into the living room. He tried to act natural. As in he did not just eavesdrop into a serious and private conversation. From what he listened to, Keith and Pidge has someone close to them that has been missing for a while and recently there has been information about his rough whereabouts. He’s never heard anything about this. He didn’t expect it from Keith but maybe from Pidge. It must have distressing if Pidge was unwilling to talk to them about it. Unless, Pidge may have told Hunk about it. You could tell Hunk anything and he’d listen tentatively to you even if you were a complete stranger.

23:37  
Lance: HEY HUNKY HUNK  
23: 39  
BFF: You better have a goddamn good reason to wake me up at 12……  
23:40  
Lance: There is.  
Lance: You get to talk to the world greatest sharpshooter and lady killer  
Lance: AKA me  
23:42  
BFF: I’m switching my phone off  
BFF: Goodbye  
23:43  
Lance: WAIT WAIT   
Lance: I WAS JOKING  
Lance: I DO HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT  
23:44  
BFF: Okay. Shoot.  
23:45  
Lance: Has Pidge ever talked to you about someone missing????  
23:46  
BFF: No don’t think so. Why?  
23:47   
Lance: Youre probably going to have a go at me for doing this but….  
Lance: I may or may not have listened into Pidge and Keiths conversation  
Lance: BTW I only just found out that they know each other and never mentioned it to me  
Lance: Like how rOOd  
Lance: But they were talking about someone who’s been missing for a while  
23:51  
BFF: You’re right.  
23:52   
Lance: IKR  
Lance: How dare they not tell me they knew each other  
23:53   
BFF: That I am going to have a go at you for being nosy in a private conversation  
23:54  
Lance: Oh…..  
23:54  
BFF: But I am concerned  
BFF: Pidge has never told me about this missing person  
BFF: It was like that time Pidge was scared about us finding out she was actually a girl and keeping it away from us  
23:55  
Lance: IKR   
Lance: What should we do about it?  
23:56  
BFF: Nothing  
23:57  
Lance: Huh?   
Lance: NOTHING?  
Lance: I THOUGHT YOU JUST SAID THAT YOU WERE CONCERNED!!!!  
23:59  
BFF: I am  
BFF: but I am also not going to interfere in Pidge’s and Keith’s problems if they do not want us to  
BFD: They will only need our help if they ask for it and from where I see it  
BFF: Keith and Pidge is handling it just fine with each other  
BFF: So leave it alone and they’ll tell us when they’re ready to  
00:02  
Lance: Fine…..  
Lance: I do trust your intuition  
00:03  
BFF: Okay. I need to get some sleep. I’ve got an early lecture :(  
00:04  
Lance: Gotchya   
Lance: LY HUNKY BEAR <3<3<3  
00:05  
BFF: Ly too <3<3<3

Lance threw his phone onto the table and slouched into the sofa. So Hunk knows nothing either. It’s frustrating for Lance. He always listened to Hunk’s advice because he’s always right. Nonetheless, there was something gnawing on Lance’s mind. Like if he doesn’t help Keith and Pidge’s situation then something is going to go very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo the plot thickens .....like my brain when I'm revising for my exams....
> 
> Au revoir mon amis. Until next week   
> (*⌒▽⌒*)θ～♪

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments. I appreciate constructive criticism. Or just show some support with kudos.
> 
> I'll try and upload a chapter every week if people enjoy my fic
> 
> but I make empty promises. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


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